Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Of Year's End

I've spent the last week or so thinking on what I had to say about last year. It has been difficult; I actually don't remember the vast majority of it. The first two months of the year were absolutely without equal in my life, easily the happiest I have ever been--but it did not last, and I spent the rest of it drifting between misery and paralysis, suffused with utter confusion.

Mostly, I wound myself up on election news and played a lot of Diablo 3.

In this blur of demon punching and electioneering, I was struck by how none of it seemed new. With our frighteningly stupid yearlong elections, every day was more of the same: more heads saying that Obama is a Marxist Maoist Socialist, that Romney secretly hadn't paid taxes for ten years; more disturbing developments of government oppression both here and overseas; more news of Israel creeping steadily toward their own Final Solution for Palestine; more reports of police brutality here in Seattle; more things to undermine and paralyze and enervate the worthwhile, thinking persons of society.

And as a background to all of this, we were presented with a succession of Republicans screaming into women's vulvas with a sort of two-fisted, hysterical grip on their Fallopian tubes. It is these men with their raw stupidity who are in charge of this country.

My walks to the bodega where I would get my daily bottle of tea were the times when I was most hopeful; I would walk in the sun through my quiet little corner of Seattle, humming so that only I could hear, smiling to the sky and looking into the middle distance. Once, I saw a little girl sitting at a lemonade stand, arms crossed, staring daggers at an equally adorable girl sitting at another lemonade stand directly across the street. The days seemed sadder afterwards.

Later, after the rain started, I saw a man singing to a room full of motorcycles and no-one else. Then it seemed like we could not go a week without someone killing a bunch of people.

I do not understand why these incomprehensible things keep happening.

I do not understand why everyone hurts me.

I do not understand this world.

I'm tired.

That's all for now.

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