Member is directed to report no later than 1800, December 16, 1985. Failure to report could result in birth defects.
Member is directed to be carefree for not more than ten years.
The member's training will consist mostly of mistakes.
The member will be remanded to the custody of his parents from the date of his report for a period of time not to exceed the number of seconds it takes for his father to become fed up with his mother, at which point his father will detach. Member is then directed to report to his mother for the duration of his training.
Member advised: Do not hold your father's absence against him.
The member will become obsessed with females and their reproductive organs after not more than fourteen years, and is directed to remain so for not less than XREDACTEDX.
The member is directed to being worrying at age sixteen.
The member is directed to avoid alcohol, though we recognize that it is the solution to all of his problems.
The member is directed, at age eighteen, to detach from his familial unit.
Member advised: Avoid maternal contact when possible. Member is further advised to present a unified front to this enemy with any sibling units.
The member will undergo a series of tests.
The member is directed to affect nostalgia toward cultural movements he never participated in.
The member is directed to engage females whenever possible. We acknowledge that he is under-equipped for this evolution.
Member advised: Contact your nearest medical department representative for counseling.
Member is directed to serve for a period not to exceed XREDACTEDX.
And, when directed, detach.
That's all for now.